Petitioning Darrell Issa

Dear Representative Issa,

There were several news reports such as this headline "Darrell Issa May Hold Congressional Hearings On Last Week's Jobs Report" from Business Insider, this one from Fox, and this from the Huffington Post. But to my chagrin, news quickly followed that you are NOT going to start the investigation, both denials from left leaning publications, Mother Jones and Politico.

I respectfully submit my request to you to open a congressional investigation of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) and their recent Jobs Report, and would like to take the opportunity and make the case for such investigation.

First, let me start by saying that I have followed your career with delight, and while there are rumors that you are a little bit crooked, one has to admit that this is a requirement for success in Congress, and at least you did your monkey business BEFORE you entered the chamber, unlike most of your peers whose corruption starts when they are elected. One also has to admire the fact that of all the politicians persecuting Clinton for oral sex in office, you are the last one standing. But I digress.

I honestly believe that investigating the BLS is a good idea, is the right thing for the American people, and would be supported by both Conservatives, Independents and Progressives. Here is why:

1. There is too much drama in politics at the moment. Your investigation is likely to calm things down. A bunch of statisticians testifying about their methodology, and arguing why their variance values are so high would clearly accomplish the task.

2. Educational value - unlike investigating Clinton for getting a Lewinsky, whose report was unsuitable for children under 18, and challenged parents to explain sexual acts to their children, the future report of your committee would be highly educational, and would increase the math literacy of the average American. For example, terms such as "labor participation rate", "Employment-population ratio", "marginally attached" and "discouraged workers" can be an excellent start to discussion of the value of college education.

3. Contribution to the economy - your hearings and further investigations would grow the local and national economy. All the lawyers, legal secretaries, filers, detectives, public relation firms and many others required to conduct such hearing and in-depth investigation would contribute millions of dollars into our flagging economy. Finally, something useful would come out of this useless Congress.

4. Entertainment - what can be more insightful to the public than to watch Allen West and Jack Welch, live on stage? You could not find better entertainment in a circus or a zoo!

So please reconsider and have the hearing. For the children!